Our instinct to judge other people can rear its head in countless ways -- but it may do more harm to you than anyone else. A clinical psychologist explains:
Whether silently disapproving or openly criticizing, our instinct to judge other people rears its head in countless ways. Like me, you’ve probably found yourself judging a person’s clothing, or parenting, or driving, or perhaps their lack of discipline, political views, home décor, choice of car, grammar—anything that can be criticized.
The more critical we are of others, the harsher we tend to be toward ourselves—it all comes from the same place. When you talk with someone who is constantly down on others, it’s almost a guarantee that they’re even more critical of themselves, at least internally. When we offer acceptance to others instead of criticism, we can more readily embrace ourselves.
If you’ve spent much time with a constantly critical person, you know how tiresome it can get. It might be amusing at first, especially if the person is sassy and surprising in their criticisms . Then it quickly grows old, because no one likes listening to a steady stream of complaints about others. It’s wearying to the soul.
For example, if you see a person’s dress and have the automatic thought, “Oh my God, that’s hideous,” you don’t have to buy into the storyline. You can choose instead to step out of that critical mode and open to a wider experience of the world around you. You can also decide not to give voice to that judgment; biting your tongue is probably discretion, not dishonesty.
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