One of the biggest problems with addiction is that people are very good at hiding it from themselves.
Tower of pill bottles.I was constantly constipated and sluggish. At work, when last night's opioids would wear off, I would feel sweaty, shaky, irritable, restless, and anxious. I'd have stomach cramps, diarrhea, depression, and anxiety, and I'd feel extremely nauseous.
Nobody understood that it was the opioids, but it could have been anything else. It could have been alcohol because when people are miserable, they reach for the tools they have at hand, even if they're not the healthiest tools. I also found other means of getting the drugs. At home, my ex-wife and I had a nanny. She had appendicitis, which I diagnosed. She was sent to the hospital, but when she came back to our home, the surgeon never gave her any pain medication, which I felt was incompetent.So, I prescribed her some Percocet, and it helped her because she needed it. It was the right thing to do, and nobody would have bothered me for doing the right thing.
I was booked with three felonies and I was put on probation for two years, which meant that if I screwed anything up, like having a positive drug test, I'd go back to court and possibly go to prison. But at the same time, on a deeper level, I felt anxious, stressed, and scared. I thought:"Is my career over? Is my marriage over?" I also felt relieved because I was no longer carrying a secret. They say that addiction is a disease of isolation. I felt some relief about going to get some help.Early recovery is the most dangerous time for people recovering from addiction.
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