I (28F) recently got into a huge argument with my fiancé, John (36M), over what I thought was an innocent plan to hang out with my colleague Andrea and her fiancé Andrew.
A few days ago, after more than half a day drive home from our holiday, John and I went out for drinks with Andrea and her fiancé , and a few other friends. Andrea and I have become good friends through work, but we don’t get to see each other often since she works remotely and moved abroad two years ago.
On the drive home, things exploded. John angrily revealed that Andrew used to sleep with his ex several years ago, and when John confronted him back then, Andrew denied it despite there being evidence and witnesses. This history made John feel uncomfortable, especially with me joking about going out even if he didn’t join.We had a massive fight in the car. John accused me of prioritising plans with “Andrew” He insisted and I said I’d go out “with him” no matter what.
I feel like I didn’t do anything wrong. How was I supposed to know about this history? And even if I had known, I don’t think it’s fair to expect me to cancel plans entirely or exclude Andrea just because of John’s unresolved issues with Andrew. John and I have talked it out since, but I still feel hurt and confused as he still thought the fight was mainly my fault because of my ‘actions’. AITA here?John’s reaction isn’t just about the present—it’s tied to unresolved emotions from his past. It’s really important for OP to let him know his feelings are valid. A simple, ‘I didn’t realize this would bring up something tough for you, and I’m sorry,’ can go a long way toward defusing tension.
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