This article explores two separate reader inquiries addressed by advice columnist Lisi Tesher. The first concerns a couple who contributed minimally to a group ski chalet weekend, creating tension among guests. Tesher offers advice on navigating these situations, emphasizing the importance of clear expectations and communication. The second letter tackles the issue of men urinating in public places, highlighting concerns about decency, common courtesy, and environmental impact. Tesher underscores the need for discretion and respect for others.
Dear Lisi: Over the holidays, I had some friends come up to my ski chalet. For the most part, we had a good time. But one couple was off-putting, and I couldn’t put my finger on why. It’s taken me a little bit of time, but now I realize what it was — they did nothing to contribute to the weekend, and in fact, almost sabotaged one evening. We were a few couples, with a few teenagers, who all flowed in and out over the course of 10 days.
Any time anyone arrived, they called first and asked what they could bring on top of the initial plan, which was that everyone would be responsible for a meal or two, even if that just meant making sure we had eggs for breakfast. This couple offered to bring all the beverages, which we thought was a great idea. However, all they brought was a case of water, two six-packs of beer, and two bottles of wine — for 10 days and 14 people (some of the teenagers are old enough to drink). And they didn’t have teenagers who came and went who we could have asked to top up their contribution. And the craziest part is that they drank everything in sight whenever there was alcohol present. There was so much going on that my wife and I didn’t realize what was happening until they left, and we were lying in bed recapping the fun. Also, on New Year’s Eve, the wife got so drunk that she was hitting on one of the other men present. He was drunk as well and was just laughing, but his wife was getting angrier by the minute. Thankfully, her husband passed out before the other woman made any real moves. So, now what do we do? The rest of our guests are talking about them too. Disengaged Guests You learn from your experience, and you don’t include them in your next group holiday. Or you include them but give them a specific list of what they need to bring and know that they won’t contribute any other way. It all depends on the relationship. If they were just a couple you brought up for fun and numbers, then they won’t be missed. But if they’re part of your larger group, then you need to deal with it as a group.Dear Lisi: Why do men think it’s OK to pee in outdoor public places that are not washrooms, whenever the need strikes? And yes, this is sexist because women don’t just drop trou and let rip. We learn to pee before we leave and to hold it in. But that’s not the point. I get it that sometimes you’ve just got to go, and it’s actually not good for you to not urinate when the need presses. But how about some discretion? Can’t you take three extra steps and go deeper into the trees so no one can see you? Where is their sense of decency and common courtesy? Grossed out Hear, hear! I totally agree! It’s super cute to see little children peeing outside, in the park, or at the beach. It’s offensive to see grown men doing the same. Not only that, but it’s filthy, smelly and bad for the environment (www.bangor.ac.uk/pee-responsibly). In Toronto, it’s a crime that can carry up to a $500 fine. There are bylaws specifically stating no urinating on public streets or in municipal parks. To all the men out there — please remember that NO ONE wants to see you pee, so if you’ve got to go, and there isn’t a washroom nearby, find a tree, a bush, whatever, but make sure that you are not in plain sight. Thanks in advance! Reader’s Commentary regarding weed being addictive (Aug. 29; Nov. 2): “I find it odd that you would post this without scientific citations. As someone with lived experience of dependence to tobacco, alcohol and opiates, I have never had issues with that. I bought some for a rock concert in the summer. I find it increases my enjoyment of music. “But I didn’t go to that concert. So, the weed sat untouched. It is addictive for some people. Not everyone who uses something that nature gave us has addiction.” Lisi – My response to the original letter writer was “Hopefully, he’s not addicted.” The reader who wrote in a Feedback stated that “Marijuana reduces motivation and is addictive.” She’s not wrong. According to the Canada.ca website, people can become addicted to cannabis, especially with continued, frequent and heavy use. That doesn’t mean that everyone who smokes once will be addicted. Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions to
Advice Relationship Etiquette Public Urination Group Holidays Substance Use Cannabis Addiction Decency Common Courtesy
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