It's all about me.
was re-posted online and I received an onslaught of Facebook messages. Most of them were insightful and kind—but a handful were calling me selfish.
Markman says that in “an extreme version” you see a set of characteristics called the Dark Triad—narcissism, psychopathy, and Machiavellianism. “People high on these traits tend to be quite selfish and manipulative,” he explains. Hearing Markman’s definition of what makes a selfish person, I was pretty sure I’m not one. But then, isn’t that exactly what a selfish person would say? Sigh.
To really determine whether I’m selfish, Markman tells me, I need to stop looking in and start reaching out: “With your close friends, you can ask whether you come across as selfish. Then, be willing to listen to the answer without getting defensive.”I asked my husband, two best friends, and my mom if they thought I was selfish.
My mom told me that it was touch-and-go when I was a teen but I’m the “least selfish person she’s ever met.” I take this with an enormous grain of salt, because my mom never says a bad word about anyone and is—well—My West coast bestie said that she’s sure I have my moments but reminded me of the time I recently felt guilty making Nate dog-sit while I took a girls’ trip. My East coast bestie simply replied, “Um, no. Total opposite.
Markman says that it’s not always bad to prioritize yourself over others and that there are times when your own goals should take precedence. An example: Someone who is working toward an advanced degree will have to prioritize their studies over friends or family who may need their time. He adds that they may have to pay that back later by doing for others, but for the period in which they are studying, it’s fine for people to focus on their own needs.
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