Advice by Carolyn Hax and Haben Kelati: Within the friendship of two couples, three are such close friends that the fourth person feels excluded.
When I expressed my disappointment with being excluded again, I was accused of being controlling over them. As the couple said, it wasn’t necessary to call me. I desire to be an equal partner in the friendship circle. I see them as my best friends. However, I’m raw over everyone’s continuing inability to address the disconnection I feel with them.
Do you have other close friends who turn to you in times of need? Are you someone people seek out for advice? It doesn’t mean you are a bad person if they do not. It might only mean you need to better develop your listening skills and tap into empathy more often. Also, when someone is going through something traumatic, they rarely react with the intention of hurting anyone else — they are hanging on by a thread and doing the best they can. Giving them grace is a wonderful action of friendship .
Instead, spend that energy seeking out and nurturing your own connections. Enjoy your time with this other couple as you always have done, but look elsewhere if you want something deeper.You say you are “raw over everyone’s continuing inability to address the disconnection,” but also stated that you did address it and their response was that you were trying to control them. The issue was addressed, but you were just not happy with the response .
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