Advice | Carolyn Hax: Partner hid charges of up to $40,000 on clothes, and a letter-writer seeks validation that this is “pretty outrageous.”
Of course, they paid the credit card off from our joint account, which is how I found out. We cannot afford to spend that much on anything except rent.
I’ve plainly expressed that I need there to be an accounting — because, among other things, they’re denying the amount, even in the face of the plain numbers. Even when I’ve said, in couples therapy, how hard it is for me to even ask for the log-in and password — without actually asking for it, which I can’t bring myself to do for fear of their reaction — they don’t voluntarily give it.
Yes, a person’s loneliness and shame issues could spur this kind of acting out, but that doesn’t make it even remotely okay. It explains but doesn’t excuse.
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