There's only one way to tolerate the increasing indignities of flying coach.
It makes perfect sense when you think about it. With the introduction of Gas Class™, the airline saves on space, entertainment, and food. It just pays a little more on knockout drugs. Flight attendants can then focus their energies on serving Champagne to first-class passengers, all of them unbothered by the gently snoring cargo in the back half of the plane. In the event of a crash, I’ll avoid the whole plummeting-in-terror part.
And when the plane lands, a gentle slap to either side of the cheek will awaken me, and after a short recuperative period in an airport TGI Friday’s, I’ll proceed to my destination.Mankind has long dreamed of instantaneous travel, the “Beam me up, Scottie” matter-transference ray that will get us coast to coast in seconds. This is the closest we’ll ever get! Like major surgery or a level-one improv comedy show, air travel is best endured while totally and completely insensate.
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