I can no longer walk around naked, and for that reason, they must be destroyed.
Let me preface this by saying I love to cook and will happily spend hours in my kitchen, baking, creating, trying out new recipes... what have you. One Sunday evening, I decided that I should really cook something, perhaps fish, that was languishing in my fridge before it went bad and decided to make salsa to go with it. I was crabby and not feeling it, but was determined to get this meal done so that I’d have lunch for the next few days.
I was in charge of making dinner, and despite my age, I was in charge of making it 100% on my own - zero supervision. I decided to make chicken and rice. I had also been reading a cookbook that highlighted a couple of techniques for coloring different items - coconut, croutons , marshmallows, etc. This proved to be a bad combination.
I decided that there wasn’t enough purple food in the world and wouldn’t it be lovely if there were purple grains of rice scattered throughout the dish? I tried coloring the rice to no avail, and decided that I would use croutons instead . Since we didn’t have croutons, I took bread, toasted it, cut it up into pieces, and shook it up in a mason jar with red and blue food coloring.
An hour later, the red parts made the chicken look raw, the blue parts made the chicken look rotten, the purple cast a bruised look over the whole dish, and the globby bits of colored slime that had once been toast cubes rendered the whole thing inedible. Not to mention that the salt was enough to make my mother immediately spit out her bravely tasted bite- the one and only time she has EVER done that with my cooking, bless her.
To this day, if I offer to make food for the family the response is invariably: “Yay! Can’t wait! As long as it’s not purple.” Punks.
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