We tend to underestimate the power of saying something nice about someone else. Here's why we should do it more often, according to abmarkman
People focus too much on phrasing the compliment in the right way.Source: iStock image licensed to Art Markman
Yet, most people don’t compliment others as often as they should. A paper by Xuan Zhao and Nicholas Epley in a 2021 issue of theIn one set of experiments, participants were randomly assigned to either generate compliments or to receive compliments. For example, in one study, pairs of people walking together in a public park were stopped. On average, they knew each other for almost 10 years.
The key finding was that participants underestimated how good the compliment would make the recipient feel. Participants also overestimated how awkward the recipient would feel. Participants also slightly underestimated how warm the recipients would find the compliment. Finally, participants strongly underestimated how well-phrased recipients found the compliment to be.
Another study demonstrated that this misestimation of the impact of compliments affects whether people choose to give them. In a final study, individuals wrote out compliments for another person in their lives. Then, participants were directed to focus either on the warmth of the compliment or on how well-phrased it was.
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