27-year-old Maria told Newsweek that her boyfriend became obsessed with Andrew Tate, and then he sexually assaulted her.
Things quickly went from bad to worse, Maria said."He then started leaking controlling sexual behaviors into the relationship and would pin blame onto me if I dared question him. He would say that I'm making it sound like he'd raped me."
Although cracks were beginning to show, Maria chose to remain in the relationship and cement over fractures, hoping to get a slice of the couple's prior happiness back. Anytime Maria attempted to hold her boyfriend to account for his behavior he would again deflect blame onto her. The deflection or projection of blame is a tool that a partner may choose to employ, sometimes unknowingly or innocently, to evade taking accountability and to avoid questioning their own thought process.:"People in relationships with individuals who tend to deflect should learn to find their own voice, and explicitly state what their boundary is.
"I lost weight, I felt I had to wear lots of makeup, I was trying to cook all the time—but I realized that he doesn't really like me and that I am just a woman to him without an individual personality," she said.The relationship imploded after Maria's boyfriend raped and sexually assaulted her on an evening where he'd encouraged her to drink a lot of alcohol.
"He acted nonchalant, like he didn't know what I wanted to talk about. It was that kind of power dynamic where he brushed off something that had actually happened," she said, ruminating on her boyfriend's avoidant attitude towards the incident. "Deliver your message and set your boundaries in a clear and precise manner. Avoid criticism or pointing the finger at your partner and instead lead from the place of your own feelings," Capalbo said.
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