Why you should tone down the sarcasm with the people you care about.

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Why you should tone down the sarcasm with the people you care about.
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The idea that sarcasm is an appropriate humor is not universally shared. New research shows why it's not that smart to be a smart aleck if you want a healthy relationship.

Sarcasm and irony are forms of humor that involve a discrepancy between spoken words and nonverbal cues.

Another way to look at sarcasm, as this example illustrates, is as a form of “ironic criticism” that has aggressive overtones. If the target of the comment correctly interprets its meaning, they will feel insulted. The words are nice but the sentiment is not. In teasing, a person’s words are negative but the intent is positive. If you interpret this interaction in a positive way, you won’t feel insulted and may be more likely to share a laugh.

The so-called “Gricean maxim” of communication states that “conversation partners follow rules that lead to a mutual understanding of what is being said” . These rules include being concise, truthful, informative, and relevant. Sarcasm flouts this rule because its ambiguity and internal contradictions can confuse the listener, unless the listener is in on the joke too.

With respect to aging, and in contrast to the authors’ hypotheses, older people did not lose their conversational abilities. Like the younger participants, they rated positive statements as more polite, which means that, in the words of the authors, “individuals of all age groups possess an ability to discern the subtleties of irony and prosocial lies and accurately interpret the intended nonverbal cues” .

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