Why Some People Refuse to Say They’re Sorry

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Why Some People Refuse to Say They’re Sorry
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Some people seem incapable of apologizing, even when they're clearly in the wrong. Here's why—and what that means for their relationships.

Love may mean never having to say you're sorry—but some people simply just refuse to apologize, period.

It may be intended as a joke, but when you hear someone say “Sorry, not sorry,” how do you react? In some contexts, it may truly be funny, such as when a fitness instructor decides to add another 10 pushups to your routine. You understand perfectly well that this is actually for your benefit, and that this person is simply using this catchphrase to motivate you to work harder.

Drawing the connection between power dynamics and apologies, the Canadian researchers propose that “power activates individuals’ approach/inhibition system and cognitively focuseson the self or others.” People with the BAS orientation pay less attention to their victims than to themselves, so they don’t even notice that they’ve hurt someone else. By the same token, they have a “high self-focused desire to avoid threats associated with apologizing.

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