Does your partner tend to get angry during conflicts? Don't respond in kind. Try this approach instead, writes drlee1
), the intensity of their accusations will be genuine and sincerely felt. As such, trying to talk them out of their feelings is neither kind nor respectful. It will just make them feel disregarded, demeaned, or dismissed.down that you can begin to focus not on your own distress but theirs. Otherwise, their verbal ferocity—especially if they’re calling you names—can totally upend your psychic equilibrium.
So think about it. Can you be patient enough, or generous enough in spirit, to leave your qualifying or opposing viewpoint at the door? For if you can, they’re quite likely, once they feel you really do care about them, to return the favor and—non-argumentatively—take in your contrasting frame of reference.
But when you share your alternative outlook on their anger, it’s crucial you don’t vocalize it in ways that lead them to feel you’re now invalidating precisely what you’d validated earlier. So rather than inform them they were flat-out wrong in how they evaluated you, you’d do much better letting them know what your motives were regarding the behavior that so triggered them.
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