Many men find it nearly impossible to admit their limitations—but it can be transformative.
What helps other men is hearing other men go first and lead by example, and I believe this to the bottom of my heart. So, some of my shortcomings are I have a really rocking dad bod right now, and I feel ashamed of it. I help people be vulnerable and I help others sort of get true with themselves, but I still have a lot of blind spots myself. I still hurt my wife’s feelings a lot, and it sucks because I don’t always know when I’m doing it, and I’m certainly not trying to do it.
All right, let me try. I think the secret here is we’re just going to say it and nobody’s going to judge anybody. That’s the secret. I feel like I can be a little antisocial sometimes at work. I just kind of put my head down and put my headphones on. So that’s something I feel shameful about. It seems like everybody is so friendly but me. I also feel like I could be a lot in my own head. I’m speaking my own language sometimes, and that’s something I feel shameful about.
That’s what I want. I really want that part of my ego to be gone. So that I can have the courage to talk about my own shortcomings with anyone. I’m really disappointed in myself that it took a lot out of me to address that. That sucks. What are some things that I could do to practice? How could you get someone like me to get to where you are?
We’ve actually done a lot of it in this call already, and the first step to any of this is you got to slow down. To catch up with what we feel and our truth and what’s actually happening in us, we can’t get there if we’re moving at a digital speed. We’ve got to unplug the phones, earphones, we’ve got to take a little time. We’ve got to actually make space to notice what we feel and what’s true for us. So we have this three-step process called the ROC formula. The first is relax.
So first on a big level, but then on a moment-by-moment level. And it’s like: my feet are cold, my belly feels tense and tight, my shoulders are uncomfortable. Actually I’m feeling really alive and joyful right now. I love talking about this. So that’s a process you can start to do. You can start to do little check-ins with yourself where you’re like, “All right dude, what’s actually going on?” Then the third step is see or connect. And what that means is speak up. Just say what’s true.
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