My birth plan included an epidural. But after two tries, it didn’t work and I went through 18 hours of excruciating labour and an episiotomy without one.
giving birth was horribly painfulI remembered my mother’s words when I became pregnant with my first child at 35, and hoped they would turn out to be true. As my husband and I prepared for our daughter’s birth,and attended birthing classes, and the more I learned, the more skeptical I became about the idea that beauty could defeat pain. Birth may be beautiful, but I was still going to be pushing a head and shoulders through my vagina.
Ten hours later I was dilated enough to give birth and the pain was so severe that I became delirious. At one point, I told everyone that I was done and had to leave. When they told me I wasn’t going anywhere, I cussed out everyone in the room. But then like a beacon of hope the doctor said it was time for the epidural. Though my mind was far away, swimming through the pain, I was coherent enough to remember that I would have to sit very still when the needle was inserted into my spine.
Perhaps the last one could apply to me. But it was not the case that the epidural worked a little bit. It didn’t work, full stop. What happened over the next few hours was bloody and excruciating—I cried and I screamed, and I begged my husband to make it stop. My daughter crowned for over an hour—each time my husband told me he could see her head and that it was almost over, her head disappeared again.
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