The guidance was published in the NHS's week-by-week pregnancy guide.
: the “get your body back” line – but guess what? You don’t need to get your body back, it never went anywhere.
Breastfeeding is a delicate topic for me as I prepare for baby number two. After I gave birth to my first I lost myself in this incessant need to breastfeed. Admittedly the pressure didn’t come from elsewhere but a small voice inside my head told me if I couldn’t master breastfeeding then surely I could never master being a mother.
I quickly became obsessed with the amount I could produce and wanted to get more, more, more. I joined exclusively pumping Facebook groups and wondered if I should squeeze a massive freezer into my tiny Peckham flat, the type of freezer the mafia stores dead bodies in, so I could have space for even more milk.I took herbs and vitamins I ordered on Amazon to increase milk production even when my daughter was getting plenty. I woke up in the dead of the night, multiple times, to keep pumping.
I had come to equate the amount of “liquid gold” I was producing to how good of a mother I was. I didn’t feel like a good mother. I fell pregnant in the midst of a bad mental health episode. I spent most of my pregnancy dealing with PTSD from sexual assault. I hated the scans. The check-ups and all the hands on my belly. I felt like a fraud the whole time.
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