'It was perhaps knowing we could only ever briefly exist together that this relationship continues to stay with me,' says Vogue writer Tom Rasmussen on the lessons he learned during his whirlwind relationship.
After I lost my virginity I went on what could be described as a sex rampage. There weren’t many gay people in my small hometown, and so, with the help of Grindr and the local gym parking lot, I found a way to meet with other gay people that were evidently on a similar kind of journey. And so, I had sex with men—lots of different gay men. So many, I could write a Lana Del Rey album about them all.
Instead of connection, I found a lot of dodged calls, a lot of ducking behind cars at the local supermarket as I saw a man I’d slept with and his wife and two children pushing carts full of groceries to their car. After two years, I’d had numerous life-changing sexual encounters with older men: some in the good way, some in the bad way. It wasn’t until the summer before I was leaving for university, when I’d all but called off the search, that I met Stan. Stanley.
Stanley was the first person to notice a lot of things about me in our short, intense relationship. He noticed that when I really, properly let myself laugh, I had the cackle of a prepubescent female witch. And it would makelaugh. He noticed, perhaps most significantly, the overwhelming disappointment I felt around my sexuality, and we would discuss, at length, the schism between what I expected from sex and what it was that I’d found.
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