[CW: eating disorder] 'Every year at the start of Ramadan, I worry about relapse, which is made harder by the fact that other Muslims have looked down me for not participating.' –adelineania
with the veil of dedication to my faith. Suddenly, I felt inclined to participate for the first time; my Muslim parents never pressured me to observe Ramadan growing up. While mental illness is stigmatized, fasting for religious purposes is encouraged. By fasting to prove my faith, I have an entire community of people behind me validating my commitment.
After my first day of fasting, the unfamiliar weight in my stomach triggered new thoughts. Instead of feeling relief from finally being able to eat, I decided to purge after iftar. This quickly became a pattern for me throughout Ramadan. Even long after the holiday ended, my routine remained. In reality, I was losing a battle with my mental health, and I felt like I couldn’t talk to anyone about it. My parents never asked me if I was struggling, though they did occasionally make comments about my extreme weight loss. Mental health is not openly discussed in my community, but I wish it was. I was so ashamed I had kept my struggle to myself.
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