Even though I am hurting, hiding that hurt is my normal.
Depression really can be like those commercials or newsprint ads: A dark cloud hangs over me while the rest of the scene is sunny. Even though I am in the shadows of depression, I can still see what’s around me. I can still see the people in my life who need and love me, but I don’t always let them see… I should get up. I should brush my teeth. I should make my coffee. I should just get through the day.accompany my depression. I go through the motions of what looks like normalcy.
So more often than not, I am not as honest in the moment as I could be about how I am feeling. I have an internal switch that I access. It doesn’t turn on the happy nor does it turn off the sadness. Rather, it’s a numbing mechanism that allows me to take conference calls, make dinner for my kids, and post funny memes on my social media accounts.
Depression hides in the corners of my smiles. It sneaks up on me in situations that also create joy and happiness. It’s scary when you look at the beauty and love in your life and still feel sad. It makes me wish I could be more grateful.Depression lives in my productivity. It does not look like calling in sick or taking a mental health day. It is tears streaming down my face as I write an essay, 5, 10, 25 words at a time as I sit in an empty house.
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