May I interject? Interruptions can have positive effects on our conversations
says in an interview with Stanford University. The much-assumed domination motive is being reassessed as two styles of conversationalists have come into focus: the low-intensity and the high-intensity speaker. If the former prefers a quiet, measured dialogue, the latter moves toward high-voltage overlap. Culture may also be an influence here. What a West Coaster perceives as hostile, an East Coaster may view as friendly.
And it’s worth it. One thing the physical isolation of the pandemic taught me is how marvellously soul-quenching a good face-to-face conversation can be. So if, as psychologist Susan Pinker recognizes, conversation is the glue of our relationships, and if ourform the essence of our happiness, then we really ought to take talking seriously. As speech is a skill we’ve been practising since our toddler days, this may seem counterintuitive.
Imagine, if you will, the opposite – when someone lets you finish your piece, and after you express your last word they take a carefully monitored five-second pause before beginning an entirely unrelated dissertation. Two monologues do not a conversation make.
The reason is simple. You have not been included in the conversation. You may be a sounding board. You may be an audience. You may provide company. But you yourself are not being asked to dance. The admonishment “Let me finish!” is even more paralyzing. These solo claims to the floor can, like interruptions themselves, be felt as violations of this relational space.
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