Tabatha Southey: Michael Cohen's testimony at Congress ruined childhood rhymes and taunts, and caused children to be utterly befuddled by all these important adults
As a child I thought “Watergate” had something to do with a dam, and I was happy the adults around me, above me, were finally starting to share my interests. Eventually, some kind soul informed me that Watergate was a hotel, and so I spent much of 1974 trying to think up a way to convince my parents to take the family to stay at the hotel that some architectural visionary had built on top of a hydroelectric project, a wonder that no one could stop talking about.
I’m pretty sure seven-year-olds turned to their dads on Thursday morning and said, “I mean, obviously, I understand that different countries face different economic challenges, and many are struggling with the scars of colonialism and now climate change, everyone knows that, but am I allowed to say ‘shithole’ like the sad lawyer on TV?”
There, for all the world to see, in the longest five minutes ever clocked, was Mr. Higgins—clearly convinced he was about to turn the whole hearing around on Cohen and the Democrats—triumphantly making it clear that he does not have the slightest understanding of “containers,” “offices” or “returning things.”
There was no need to actually pay to have “Yes, this is all we’ve got” printed on the back of the sign; single-sided printing got the message across loud and clear. From now on when a child yells “Liar, liar, pants on fire,” the “liar” will respond, “It’s that sort of behaviour that I’m responsible for. I’m responsible for your silliness because I did the same thing that you’re doing now for 10 years. I protected Mr. Trump for 10 years,” and the taunter will be officially owned.
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