While most trolls are primarily confined to the worst corners of the internet, some, like Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL), live to wreak havoc in the real world. The Onion asked trolls, shitposters, and internet provocateurs why they love the controversial congressman, and this is what they said.
Brett Leon, Lawyer “All the love I don’t give to my parents, siblings, wife, and children has to end up somewhere, right?” Hank Timms, Retail Worker “He’s an inspiration to anyone who’s ever dodged credible accusations.” Brad Rippert, Pharmacist “People say all he does is obstruct, but he also erodes.” Kyle Bowery, Defense Attorney “That little creep made me rich.” Greg Landy, Personal Trainer “You can’t help but admire someone who wants to get absolutely nothing accomplished.
” Senator Ted Cruz “People hate him so much, they’ve completely forgotten about me.” Chris Allison, AI Developer “He’s an inspiration to every 40-year-old single guy who dreams of sleeping with teenagers.” Wes Ramsey, Assistant “He’s that perfect mix of doing nothing and fucking everything up.
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