'For many of us, even our admirers, we have always lived in isolation. We've always feared the outside world may destroy us.' NomiRuiz
As our world shifts to the new, isolated normal brought on by COVID-19, everyone is forced to reflect on what we value most. Global economies must reconcile the demands of capitalism and big business with its treatment of"essential" workers and marginalized communities. Activists in turn advocate for adjustments to the status quo and a more equitable future. And artists, always relied on to respond in times of upheaval, are those perhaps best equipped to do so.
I grew up in a low-income Latinx neighborhood in Brooklyn, NY, and as a young woman going through my transition, I longed to be seen — a longing that was overshadowed by a fear of being noticed. Especially by groups of boisterous men huddled on street corners, where the possibility of attacks fueled by pack mentality is imminent. They were like minefields to me.
As I've continued to express this overwhelming struggle with anxiety to my therapist, it occurred to us that I'd been in a constant state of trauma and was experiencing PTSD. These experiences never really go away, especially when they happen daily over the course of several years. I was prescribed an SSRI called Sertraline, which has since allowed me to see how paralyzing my anxiety was and how it was spiraling into other emotions such as depression, low self esteem, anger, doubt, resentment — the list goes on and on. This is only one layer of the trans experience that is suddenly so familiar as we walk around, precariously distant and isolated, trading intimacy for our own personal safety.
Another new normal, that's never really been new to us, is a lack of financial stability. As a self-employed musician, not knowing when my next check is coming is nothing new, but the cliché of being a struggling artist is elevated by trans discrimination, as label execs, booking agents and live club promoters stay focused on bro culture.
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