A humorous account of a harrowing drive from Toronto's east end to Pearson Airport, highlighting the city's notorious traffic woes.
Do you suffer from optimism? We can cure you. One trip on the streets of Toronto and any belief that all is for the best will be erased from your mind forever.
I mention the Germans not only to make a gratuitous reference to the Second World War but because the German language is so wonderfully expressive, with an incredible facility for creating words that sum up unique situations. German has a word for comfort eating following a break-up “Kummerspeck.” It has a word for a comeback that occurs to you after the fact – “Treppenwitz” . It has a word for rush-hour traffic – “Berufsverkehrs.
We gave up hope of making the Gardiner. It was after 6 p.m. We had travelled 6.7 kilometres in one hour. Surely, any other route would be better. I gave up trying to merge onto the Gardiner and continued along Lake Shore Boulevard West. It got worse. Traffic stood still. When it occasionally eased, drivers sped as fast as they could for 10 or 20 metres and then slammed on their brakes. More snow. Less hope.
Look, I failed “functions” in “Grade 13″ twice and then dropped it in favour of a course in American literature, so any mathematical calculations I make should be taken with a grain of salt the size of the Rock of Gibraltar, but by my estimations that means we travelled an average speed of 16.5 kilometres an hour.
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