“The truth is, influencing is the new American Dream,” the TikTok dating guru Tinx says. “Influencing is the only way to make it seemingly overnight, and it’s available to everybody.” Read the full interview:
For her more than two million social-media followers, Tinx is the arbiter of all that is worthy: boyfriend behavior, bachelorette destinations, where to order shrimp cocktails and Martinis in many a metropolis. She is what “Dear Abby” would be if Abby knew her angles and had been president of her sorority—a benevolent big sister to women trying to figure out who they are and what they want.
I think about your section about D.M. do’s and don’ts. “Just” is pretty much my safe word. On e-mail, I always say, “Just wanted to check in.” I wrote this book for everyone, but I really, really want younger girls to read it. I really want to give back time that I wasted in my twenties, when I was so desperate to have a boyfriend. Desperate not because I was craving love or because I’d met anyone who was worthy but because I craved legitimacy, and I thought that having a boyfriend is what would make me legitimate. Then you go into all the, you know, the behavior that I accepted. . . .
I went to an all-girls school in England. I had this really interesting swirl of an extremely Midwestern mentality and then a very worldly upbringing in London. I came back to the States to go to Stanford, where I was in a sorority, because I love women and female friendship. I was an English major there. It was the best time of my life. Then I worked in San Francisco.After I graduated, I worked at Gap, Inc.
Also, for my parents, who grew up poor, education was the great equalizer. That’s no longer true, but for them it was. They really wanted me to get one more degree. I was interested in pivoting anyway, so I was, like, “O.K., well, I can hit a couple birds with one stone, try out New York, work in fashion, but continue to write.”
I moved to L.A. on my twenty-ninth birthday. I got here with two suitcases, and I remember thinking, I really fucked up this time. Once I get an idea in my head, I’m like a dog with a bone. I can be a little impulsive. I remember thinking, I’ve gone too far. I’m starting over. I don’t know what I’m going to do for my job. I am a twenty-nine-year-old intern, basically, and I’m in this new city, I don’t have a car, I’m fucked.
Rich people are the only people that you can safely make fun of anymore. Also, it’s always laced with aspiration. That’s by design. I don’t hate rich people. I’m not of that camp. I make light fun of them because it’s interesting and funny, and the secret is that everyone reallywant to know where they get their coffee and what those moms wear and how they run their lives. My take is that people will always want to know how rich people live.
I know people that have gotten into this checklist mentality, which maybe existed before the apps—he has to be this tall and have this kind of job, etc. You could spend your entire life searching for someone who meets all those factors.What do you mean I understand that some women really do just want to get married, and I’m not belittling them when I say that. Everyone is entitled to their own dreams, but I think that it’s becoming less and less suitable for women to have that dream. Fifty years ago, getting marriedkind of the best thing that could happen to us. Having a big house with a car was pretty fucking sick, and you had your husband and your dog and your kids—that was pretty great.
My boyfriend that I broke up with in February, I didn’t show his face on social media. People on the Internet were, like, “Oh, she’s embarrassed of him.” I haven’t shownof my boyfriends on the Internet—it’s complicated enough. People still found out who he was and would D.M. him messages spreading lies about me, or message me and say, “I saw your boyfriend at a party with a girl,” and it would be on a night that we’d spent together. It was tough.Just wasn’t right.
I think every person has multiple soulmates. The way that we’re marrying and living life is definitely changing, but I think that that’s a good thing. I don’t see us falling in love less. Isee people getting married less, if I’m honest, but I don’t think that will mean people will stop falling in love and spending time together.” and “content creator”? What do you call yourself?
The truth is, influencing is the new American Dream. Influencing is the only way to make it seemingly overnight, and it’s available to everybody. America used to be a place where, if you worked hard, you could raise your status. Now the only way to make it overnight—and this is really horrible and a bad sign of the times—is influencing. One day, someone’s sitting in their living room, and the next minute they’re on the red carpet.
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