Sometimes, avoidance isn't an option
“If you’ve decided to stay in the relationship, you need to recognise that due to the traits of the narcissist’s behaviour, it is unlikely that your partner will change. This means that the majority of the work will be on you to recognise the triggers and most importantly establish clear boundaries – but it is still possible to have a relationship, it might just look slightly different to how you envisioned it.
“Think about what is important for you and your mental health. Maybe it’s having time with your friends or walking away when a conversation turns nasty; by setting these boundaries and making them clear from the start sets a precedent for what you expect. Be aware that they may try to make you feel guilty when the boundaries are put in place, but it’s important to stay strong and stick to them because if you relent then they may never learn to respect the boundaries or you.
When preparing to encounter a narcissist, reminding yourself of your own self worth and understanding that the person you are dealing with might trigger you can be helpful, says“Narcissistic people care about their image more than anything, so avoid one-to-one contact wherever possible,” continues Dr Ounnas. “They might be horrible to you in private because that’s what they do to the people closest to them who have already seen the mask fall off.
Dr Ounnas also stresses the importance of responding – but not reacting – to narcissistic behaviour. “Narcissists love emotional reactions. They perceive them as supply and feed on them to fuel conflict and create confusion and chaos which is the atmosphere in which they thrive. You can take that away by adopting the “grey rock” method: short, unemotional, very objective answers, even if they bait you.
Both Dr Ounnas and Begy agree that it’s important to take care of yourself and prioritise your own wellbeing in these situations. So whatever the circumstances, protect yourself, be firm with boundaries and seek extra support when and where you need to.
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