.VogueMagazine writer Monica Kim reflects on her smile and the secret social power of smiling: 'My expression, or lack thereof, became a self-fulfilling prophecy. I didn’t smile, which made people think I was mad, which made me mad.'
I’ve been told I was once outgoing. On my first grade report card, my teacher wrote, “Monica is the life of the classroom, always chattering.” Anyone who knows me now would find that impossible to believe.
I began to keep my mouth tightly clamped. On fourth grade picture day, dressed in the neat gray plaid suit my mother had picked for the occasion, I offered only a meager thin-lipped smile for the camera, no matter how much the photographer fussed. “Give me a real smile,” he said, voice rising in mild frustration. I politely shook my head until he gave in, firing the shutter with a reluctant sigh.
My expression, or lack thereof, became a self-fulfilling prophecy. I didn’t smile, which made people think I was mad, which made me mad. Or people thought I didn’t want to be approached, which made me shy. This is due in part to pervasive gender stereotypes and embedded expectations. “We expect women to be nicer, more emotional, more communal, more sensitive, more interactively astute, and we still don’t expect those qualities of men,” LaFrance explained. “One of the easiest ways to communicate that is to smile.”
“Early data clearly shows that young adults who don’t show open mouth, top-teeth smiling tend to be less successful in life, alas,” LaFrance said. “The reasoning is that when people meet them, they’re assumed to be not likely to enjoy life, and people like to be around people who enjoy life.”
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