The impulse to snoop behind a date’s back is, of course, as old as dating itself. But information gleaned from gossip is limited in quantity, and comes packaged with its source
Photo: Vincent Besnault/Getty Images I got in a fight with one of my friends last month. Naomi had been on several dates with a new love interest when he asked if she’d watched YouTube clips of his stand-up comedy yet. “I said, ‘I have not Googled you because I’d rather get to know you as a real person,’” she told me via Gchat. Internet-stalking new acquaintances is, at this point, so ingrained that the idea of skipping the ritual actually alarmed me.
It was like she was telling me the sky was green instead of blue, or that gravity was a myth. The logic was so strange to me that I actually became belligerent. I demanded she reveal her date’s full name, then barraged her with information, pictures, and links to his videos. “I don’t want to see it,” Naomi protested. “This is for your own good,” I snapped.
Until a solid interpersonal rapport had been established, Naomi theorized, out-of-context cyber detritus is a distraction at best, prejudicial at worst. Cringe-worthy details that seem like a deal-breakers early in a relationship may become endearing later on. Even material provided deliberately can be damning, particularly in the early stages of a relationship. “If I’d seen his OKCupid profile before we met, I might not have dated him,” an engaged friend named Jenny said of her husband-to-be.
A male friend who thinks Googling dates is creepy told me he nevertheless found himself viewing a new paramour’s Instagram profile a few weeks ago. “She found me and liked a photo I’d posted of myself, which I found exciting. But then I clicked through to her profile and she seems to be close with someone I think has a negative opinion of me. Now I wish I didn’t know, because I’m filling up with anxiety.
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