Read an excerpt from BethanySaltman’s “Strange Situation: A Mother’s Journey Into the Science of Attachment”
Photo: Phathn Sakdi Skul Phanthu / EyeE/Getty Images/EyeEm The Cut is publishing excerpts of books coming out during the coronavirus pandemic. After each selection, join us for brief interviews with the author.
When my daughter Azalea was seven years old, she and my husband Thayer were riding the chairlift up a mountain at our local ski area. Lost in a daydream, Azalea missed the spot where she and Thayer had planned to get off, leaving her on the lift without her dad, who had skied off the chair, only to discover with a start that Azalea was not right behind him.
I went to the kitchen and poured myself a bowl of cereal and sat at the snack bar alone, my throat tingling, tears starting to well up, yet again stirred by the familiar frustration, the pain of not finding my place. When my mom finally came into the kitchen in her robe and poured water into the coffee pot, tears started sliding down my cheeks.“Mmm … hmm?” she asked, studying the faucet. “They’re so mean to me,” I said. “I hate them.
When I was pregnant, I dreamt about Azalea a lot. I wrote in my journal every day, wondering what she was going to be like, cataloging my growing belly, how difficult it was to walk, learning more about myself and my body as I wrote and reflected. I wrote about where our little girl, whom we had already named Azalea, might sleep, and how we might try “sleep training,” though I wondered whether she would become “attached” if we did.
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