In an exclusive excerpt, Natalie Beach reckons with her decision to write about her relationship with Caroline Calloway and everything that came next.
. More than one VP asked me, pen poised over legal pad: “What genre do you see yourself in?”
I had become, it appeared, a brand. Scam victim, social-media survivor, casualty of “pretty privilege,” spokeswoman for nebbishy friends everywhere. People seemed to want that story from me, not just teens asking advice but producers making documentaries about online fame, YA publishers soliciting novelizations of my story. A magazine editor offered good money to commission my take on Olivia Jade.
In an essay she published in response , Caroline wrote, “Of all the stinging insults and intimate secrets Natalie published about me, one hurts more than anything else: She made my suicidal ideation part of the public record.” She goes on to say, “I talk about suicide openly now that everyone knows, and it turns out it’s not even as bad as I thought it would be. But I wish I had been able to make the choice of when to share that part of me with the world.
I’ve grown terrified that I no longer know the difference between a person meaningfully growing and changing, or just rebranding themselves. I am worried I confuse brand loyalty for friendship. And that the most genuine relationship most of us have is with our phone, where everything we say and look at makes someone else money.
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