'When appropriately applied, it can be cathartic.'
My son was four years old when he said his first curse word. Strapped in the back seat of the family sedan, he asked what was wrong after I groaned audibly in frustration over missing a green light en route to an important appointment. We are going to be late, and mommy has big feelings, I explained.In the blur of memories of his preschooler years, this one is permanently seared in the hippocampus as the moment I felt like an abject failure.
For a while, I noticed my son also narrated his big feelings like a sanitized sport play caller when unexpected tragedies like the collapse of a meticulously built Magna-Tiles structure befell.
“It’s so fucking hard,” he says one day while lying face down on the bedroom floor that has seen his meltdowns since toddlerhood until this day when his 10-year-old body is almost as tall as mine. He is talking about the pressure of school or maybe his hot-and-cold sibling relationship, or likely everything that is making his inside feel so terrible. And the only way to describe it is just as he had.
By swearing, we can increase our resilience and agency in unexpected life moments when things fall apart. But let’s be honest, it’s not exactly socially acceptable for a kid to say “fuck.” Remember what happened to Ralphie in “A Christmas Story” when he, “the queen mother of dirty words,” while trying to help his dad change a flat tire in the dark? I’ve lived in fear of having to eat soap for so long I still find it difficult to curse in front of my parents.
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