'I just find the whole experience to be massively unenjoyable, especially as a mom.'
Beach photos are starting to litter my feed. Moms in their big-brimmed hats chasing toddlers with the sandy-bums into the waves. Kids building sand castles, body surfing, and eating sliced watermelon on miniature beach chairs. It looks pretty, trendy, and fun. The sun, the sand, #saltwater. God, it looks magical. And I wanna be a part of it — I really do. But the problem is that I actually don’t.
First there is the packing. With four kids, I practically need a U-Haul to fit all my beach necessities. We’ve got towels, hats, sunscreen, extra clothes, goggles, umbrellas, chairs, coolers, and a tent. I look like I’m moving in for christ’s sake. Typically we have to park a decent hike away, leaving me to drag everything across a heat-soaked parking lot and basically completing a Tough Mudder just getting myself and the kids on the beach without losing anything or anyone.
And how about all the safety hazards? I want whatever everyone on the beach is taking that allows them to sit calmly while their children wander around an immensely crowded place and swim in a with unknown living things swimming and crawling below. Maybe it is because my high school boyfriend’s family watchedon repeat for the three years we dated, but I can’t stop picturing my children as ocean predator lunch.
I go in the water for exactly the amount of time that it takes me to pee; honestly, probably a little less. It typically ends with a little running down my leg and a quick slash because even if you convinced me I wasn’t going to get eaten, it is still freezing as f*ck. Sadly, for me, there is not enough Ativan in my arsenal to give meSo, there it is, my sad, annoying, and very uncool summer truth.
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