If you want to free yourself from conflict, it starts by noticing how your conflict habits contribute
Some of us learn from a young age that to get what we want, we need to aggressively pursue it. That competitive spirit is often helpful but can lead us to blame others when they fight back or shut down. The result is a loss rather than the intended win. “If others counterattack, your competitive spirit leads you to attack back, which only escalates the conflict. Or if they shut down, you’re often stuck, unable to move forward or get what you want without their agreement of help.
She suggests asking which of those four pitfalls have become the most alluring or comfortable habit for you? Be honest. The habits are not crimes, and you are using them with good intentions, but they may be undermining you.The other people you work with also have conflict habits. It’s worth considering what those are since their habits and yours intermingle, creating a conflict pattern.
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