It's awesome, but it's also caused problems, including in my marriage.
In high school, boys broke up with me because they said I wanted to move too fast. I was always the most experienced of my friends and, oddly, given the repressive Catholic school I attended, never ashamed of it.
Luckily, by college, I could always find a willing partner, and my boyfriends were usually on board with my willingness to try anything pretty much anytime and anywhere. Still, I had a reputation. It was less stigmatized by then, because in college, everyone was sleeping around, especially the crowd I ran with, but still: the reputation was there.
But a high sex drive, dressing provocatively, and even a history a of promiscuity don’t negate rape. Don’t make rape okay. They may make it easier for the rapist to get away with his crime, and they did. But they don’t make the rape any less real or any less acceptable. My husband was overjoyed. He’d never had a wife who could make out without turning away. He’d never had a wife who jumped him in the shower, who initiated sex . We had what he called “college sex,” trying all the positions all the time and fooling around when there was no chance we’d finish. Suddenly, I was always the propositioner. “Netflix and chill” becamebecause laying in bed next to him and watching Brooklyn 99 for an hour was enough to turn me on.
I wish I could end on some triumphant note: something to say that no woman deserves to feel this way. Something about how no woman should ever be shamed for her sexuality. I firmly believe this. I believed it in college and I believe it now.You worked through a rape. You can work through this
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