A message from kellyconaboy for just about everyone who is currently running for president: You can still enjoy a little bit of summer if you drop out right now
Photo: ZenShui/Sigrid Olsson/Getty Images/PhotoAlto The smell of sunscreen and warm air. Languid nights that seem to last forever. Cool breezes that travel through loose-fitting clothing and condensation that drips from a chilled glass onto an appreciative limb. The beach. Yes, these are some of the delicious morsels of summer that our tired minds and bodies get to enjoy but for a few short months every year.
They are some of the delicious morsels of summer that our tired minds and bodies get to enjoy but for a few short months every year, that is, unless we are running for president, as unfortunately so many of us are. Then we have to spend our summer standing on a stage, or in some neighborhood deli, sweating in either a grotesque re-creation of what a nonpolitician would wear, or in some fuckin’ suit, enjoying none of summer’s morsels at all — not even the languid nights.
“But what if I’m Beto O’Rourke?” you’re probably thinking. “People know me. Can’t I ruin my summer for no reason and take funding away from candidates who might actually be able to use it in a desperately necessary but likely futile attempt to defeat Donald Trump in 2020 if I’m Beto O’Rourke?” I wouldn’t advise it, no.
“Well, what if I’m not gonna be the nominee,” you’re thinking, “but celebrities like me and give me their money?” No! “What if I’m Marianne Williamson, and I’m super-strange in I guess a sort of compelling way and—” STOP!I’m not sure what your “damage” is, “Heather,” so to speak, but please stop running for president. It’s gonna stop being summer soon. And then it’s just gonna be cold.
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