It all feels a little more perilous than it would if my husband was still by my side.
, cautiously watching the news, adopting a wait-and-see approach, hoping somehow the spread will be mitigated and the devastating predictions never come to fruition., and that means every day is informed by grief, by widowhood, and by the truth I’ve lived: that life can change for any of us in an instant, that sometimes the thing that happens only to other people actually can happen to us, that happily ever after isn’t guaranteed no matter how much you will it so.
And that all feels very fatalistic and pessimistic and not the way I want to approach solo parenthood or young widowhood or life after loss in general. Which for me means finding a way to acknowledge all that anxiety and give a voice to all that uncertainty and also choosing to take a breath and trust myself.
To trust in my planning. I’m choosing to trust that I’ve prepared well enough. That if I do get too sick to be home, the contingency plan I’ve made for the kids will work. And that if I’m mildly sick, we have enough non-perishables in the house to keep us from going hungry, enough easily accessible food that my kids won’t have to wait for me to drag myself out of bed, enough savings to stay afloat…and to trust that I’ve successfully put Netflix on auto-pay for the next few months.
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