My mother-in-law has never liked me, and now dementia is making life impossible for me and her personal support workers. Medication was the only thing left to try, writes Kristy Dyer
This translation has been automatically generated and has not been verified for accuracy.First Person is a daily personal piece submitted by readers. Have a story to tell? See our guidelines atLike much of the sandwich generation, I never ever thought I would be taking care of my mother-in-law. For one thing, she hated me. Susan was 82 when my husband and I got married, and when he called to tell his parents we were engaged she said, “Well, we will never see you again.
Susan and I always did better over the phone. Every two weeks or so, I would call to deliver our family news. But at age 96, she started yelling at me over the phone, blaming me for things that had gone wrong. I quit calling and my husband, Michael, delivered the family news. Once, after he hung up, he bemusedly complimented me on my powers. Evidently, from 2,000 miles away, I had broken her TV.
It didn’t go well at first. Sometimes she refused to have her dressing changed, Michael would argue, but he wouldn’t do it against her will. She goaded him into late-night arguments and made the nursing aids cry. She refused to allow anyone to change urine-soaked bedding. We lost eight care-aids in 16 months as she started biting, hitting and scratching.
I made an appointment with Susan’s doctor, explained what was happening at home and she was prescribed an antipsychotic, quetiapine. I ground up the pills and put it in her coffee. The drug made a huge difference. After medication she started greeting our health-care workers with interest, and she was grateful and happy about simple things like ice cream, her favourite German cookies, or a visit from her nursing aid’s dog.
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