Scientists Successfully Teach Gorilla To Buy Beer For Underage Teens

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Scientists Successfully Teach Gorilla To Buy Beer For Underage Teens
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NEW YORK—Touting the breakthrough as a major step forward in primate research, scientists at Columbia University announced Thursday they had successfully taught a 7-year-old western lowland gorilla to buy beer for underage teens. “Despite years of setbacks, we’ve finally trained a gorilla named Makuba to pick up a…

NEW YORK—Touting the breakthrough as a major step forward in primate research, scientists at Columbia University announced Thursday they had successfully taught a 7-year-old western lowland gorilla to buy beer for underage teens.

“Interestingly, one of the greatest barriers we faced was the gorilla’s ethical qualms about supplying alcohol to minors. But we managed to use sign language to convince him that it was better they get it from him than some sketchier source. There were also several times that the gorilla went berserk and tore off the cashier’s face. Really, though, as long as the teens made it worth his while with a banana, he was happy to help them out.

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