Commentary: It's also important to tell a person what they need to hear, not what they want to hear.
My mother has always been one of those people others turn to when they need advice. Growing up, I remember people calling at all hours to talk to her. She would pick up the phone, listen for a time, ask some questions, make a suggestion or two and close with a few words of reassurance. For a long time, I just assumed that’s what happened in every household.
All of these things became topics of conversation at the dinner table. We rarely talked about politics or sports or other events taking place in the world. Instead we talked about people and their problems: why people made the choices they did; what they could do differently; what events led up to their present situation. What they might do; what they should do; why they probably wouldn’t.
Over the years I’ve had occasion to know a number of people like my mother who others turn to for advice. They all have several characteristics in common. Finally, they are reassuring. Their presence is calming, in part because they exude confidence in one’s ability to face difficult situations, even in the face of self-doubt.
She eventually filled me in on the context. This summer she moved to a senior living community, and some of the people there are annoyed that she talks so much. She was having a hard time explaining it to them, so she decided to write it down but couldn’t think of the right words.
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