Stepping into the void: Richard Crouse's experience of chemotherapy
The first day of chemotherapy feels like walking into a void. Despite the training class, conversations with doctors and anecdotal advice from friends and family it is impossible to know exactly what to expect or how you're going to feel when it's all said and done.
In truth she didn't type for an eternity, otherwise I'd still be standing there with a bad joke hanging on my lips. It felt like forever but was actually just my first lesson in the rhythm of chemo days. In your head you're racing toward the finish line — the sooner we start the sooner I can get out of here — but everyone you interact with seems to be moving in slow motion.
We sat and waited, watching the sea of faces around us. Tired faces, anxious faces, people trying to make the best of a bad situation. It's impossible not to note that cancer is all-encompassing, welcoming everyone regardless of age, social standing or race. The waiting room is a cross section of society bonded by one thing, an insidious disease.
March 2014, on the last day of my chemo. Not sure why I wore a suit other than to make myself feel better. I couldn't really control how I felt inside but I could make sure I looked as dapper as possible on the outside. As the chemicals slowly dispersed throughout my system I imagine the chemo is like Pac Man, hungrily gobbling up the bad cells in my body. It's a singular sensation, feeling the drugs make their way. I feel the spread and pinpoint where the drugs are. It felt like a cool blanket being pulled across my body until I'm covered head to toe. It's not entirely unpleasant but during this first treatment I still wasn't sure how my body would react.
Post-lunch hours tick by slowly until it's time to leave. Released from the machine I was then hooked up to a to-go bottle about the size of a venti coffee at Starbucks. I'd carry around this bottle, complete with a skull and cross bones on the label for two days until my body had completely absorbed all the liquid medicine. That and a handful of steroids dulled the effects of the chemo for a few days.
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