+34
A 71-year-old Ontario writer reflects on the importance of recognizing life's small moments as the good old days, even amid hardship and grief.
On a Saturday night of a long weekend, Judy Fantham's middle son smiled and said, these are the good old days. Around him, his 7-year-old niece practised her plié while his 11-year-old nephew clamoured for a chess rematch, and her eldest son talked about work challenges. That reflection became her new mantra: to recognize moments that are and become the good old days. Three months later, Fantham arrived at her cottage in Ontario. Her eldest son had spent the week there with family and friends, and they were about to leave. Eight kids called it awesome, writing in the guest book about wakeboarding, tubing, swimming because the water was warm, rock skipping, playing Dungeons and Dragons, and the first cottage Olympics. Her littlest granddaughter, the dancer, had a blast roasting marshmallows. One mother thanked Fantham for access to the memory-making cottage. Fantham paused and replied, these are the good ol' days. The mother said she had not thought of it like that and guessed they were.
The Good Old Days in Simple Moments
Three days later, Fantham spent four hours cleaning the cottage and was not done. She took a break with her dog Henry. After rambunctious play, she sat in the grass under a bright, cloudless sky during the diamond hour, when the sun gleams on the waves like diamonds. Henry snuggled. She looked around and told him, let us enjoy this Henry, these are the good ol' days.
What are the good old days? Fantham says they are the small moments in life that are there for the taking and remembering if we notice and pause. They do not necessarily need a gleaming sun. Maybe the rain is pouring or the snow is falling, but in that moment life feels good.
Now 71 years old, Fantham regrets failing to recognize the good old days when she was living her past life. She was immersed in the chaos of being a single mom: the arduous journey home on the subway and bus, then walking in the door to instantly begin dinner for three hungry teens. She remembers the hundreds, maybe thousands, of lunches packed, thinking of what to write in a fond little and embarrassing note to be taped to their sandwiches. There were weekend errands or early morning cleaning, after-hours soccer games, swimming lessons, gymnastics training, guitar lessons, and karate. She advocated for a son with learning challenges and found him the right school, the right class, and a motivational tutor.
A Career and Family Balance
Let us not forget the career. Fantham had a passion for her career and getting better at it. Besides, she knew she had to and always wanted to provide for her family if the marriage ended. And it did. And she provided. Then, she never once paused to think, these are the good old days. But they were.
She misses the frenetic energy of those days. She missed her three sons the moments they moved out and for years after. They had been her anchor and she felt unmoored. She missed being needed like that. Now the being that needs her most is a sweet but spoiled Golden Doodle who barks incessantly to play or mourns at the front door if she takes a quick trip to the grocery store.
Fantham cannot be accused of being pollyannish about this new mantra of recognizing that these are the good old days. She reads The Globe and Mail daily and is aware of the horrors and tragedies of the world. She has personally lived horrifically bad old days. The unexpected death of her youngest son at aged 29. She is surviving that day-by-day. The less bad days when she lost a job, each of her parents, and multiple pets.
Balancing Grief and Gratitude
Lest you think her naive, she will always carry the weight of the bad old days. Maybe that is why she can appreciate the new good old days. The small moments of her current life. Everyday happenings. The moments that deserve acknowledgment in a life that can seem harsh or unfair. Maybe they might help make the bad old days more tolerable if we took the time to see them. Or maybe we need the bad old days to appreciate the good ones.
The key is having the wisdom to see them. Like the recognition that roasting marshmallows can be a blast. Judy Fantham lives in Thornhill, Ont. First Person is a daily personal piece submitted by readers. Have a story to tell? See our guidelines at tgam.ca/essayguide.
Please follow us on Google to support usJudy Fantham Good Old Days Thornhill Ontario Cottage Life Family Memories Single Motherhood Grief And Loss
Canada Latest News, Canada Headlines
Similar News: You can also read news stories similar to this one that we have collected from other news sources.
Tim Tebow pauses Life Surge role over predatory sales allegationsTim Tebow said he is pausing his relationship with Life Surge while his team investigates allegations that the Christian organization used predatory sales tactics. The podcast Pablo Torre Finds Out raised questions about Tebow's knowledge of the group's practices.
Read more »
Calgary Wrestler Mo Jabari’s life to hit big screen at Calgary International Film FestivalMo Jabari is grateful every time he steps into the wrestling ring...
Read more »
82 History Memes That Make Humanity’s Worst Moments Weirdly FunnyWe tend to imagine history as a collection of serious portraits, important dates, and carefully worded textbooks. But the people who lived through those events were still, well, people, and the world around them could be remarkably strange.
Read more »
48 Wholesome Moments People Shared Online That Might Heal Your SoulIf you want a break from the standard news feeds serving up non-stop chaos and polarization, you’ve come to the right place. Because, there is still plenty of genuine good happening all around us. They’re small, quiet moments, but they remind us that people can actually be pretty great.
Read more »