This article explores the impact of endometriosis on sex life and offers advice on how to reclaim intimacy and pleasure.
In 2018, I received a long-overdue dual diagnosis of endometriosis and interstitial cystitis (IC), also known as bladder pain syndrome. It took 14 years, countless doctors and a decade-plus of dealing with debilitating back and pelvic pain, heavy periods, sciatic nerve pain, and burning and bleeding with urination for me to finally get the answers I needed. Endometriosis is an incurable inflammatory condition in which endometrial-like tissue grows outside the uterus.
This abnormal tissue growth can cause pelvic pain, heavy and painful menstrual cycles, infertility and so much more. It’s a complex and often misunderstood disease that can impact everything from your relationships to your mental health to your career.Unfortunately, my endo and IC combination affected nearly every aspect of my life — including my sex life. After spending years in near-constant pain and feeling like a burden to my partner, I felt undesirable, anxious and like my body had betrayed me. The endo belly (extreme bloating that can come with endometriosis) didn’t help, either. It wasn’t until 2022 that I finally underwent specialized excision surgery to treat my endometriosis. After years of feeling powerless, it felt like I had taken back control of my body.Not everyone with endometriosis will experience painful sex (also known as dyspareunia). But for those who do, it’s often because of how endometriosis affects and transforms the pelvic area.“They can pull your uterus to the right or left side or backward, which is known as a retroverted or ‘tilted’ uterus.” When penetration happens, this anatomical change can cause the penis or sex toy to bump up against the endometriosis lesion, triggering intense pain and cramping.often leads the pelvic floor muscles to become extremely tense and prone to spasms. “Thus, the pelvic floor muscles get very tight for nearly a decade, causing pain on entry.”This is why patients with endometriosis often report pain not only with intercourse but also with tampon insertion and pelvic exams. Penetration and entry aren’t the only things that can cause pain. Anticipatory pain, something I’ve become very familiar with, is also common. Anticipatory pain is when the body preps for pain during sex, even if no actual pain occurs..” “With repeated exposure to pain, the muscles become conditioned to expect pain and will often be guarding in anticipation before the pain has occurred.”Not everyone with endometriosis will experience painful sex (also known as dyspareunia). But for those who do, it’s often because of how endometriosis affects and transforms the pelvic area.Before I get into the specifics, I want to note that every person and body is different. Tailor the advice in this article to fitAlso, please be patient with yourself. Reclaiming your sex life after living in chronic pain takes time and a lot of self-compassion. With that said, here are some tips (both from experience and experts) to help you regain control over your body and your love life.Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and speak up about what feels good and what doesn’t. This can be difficult, but if it’s the right person, they’ll listen, validate your feelings, and work with you to find solutions. If you don’t, you may“I believe it is so important for partners to communicate what is pleasurable and what hurts,” said Dr. Orbuch. “If the endometriosis sufferer is afraid of pain or is experiencing pain, their public floor muscles will tighten even further, causing more discomfort.” If you’re unsure how to start the conversation or the relationship is very new, wait until you’re comfortable and in a nonsexual environment to talk. Keep it light and give them a chance to process and respond. If they seem dismissive or unsupportive, that person may not be the best partner for you.It’s so easy to get caught up in the idea that “real” sex has to involve penetration. But there are so many ways you can be intimate with another person (or yourself!) that don’t involve penetration. Experiment and explore new things like sensual massage, mutual masturbation, oral sex, and sex toys. Or, if you want to incorporate penetration, there’s an intimate wearable calledthat acts as a buffer to prevent deep penetration. You can control the depth with one or more stackable rings (these can go around your partner’s shaft or a sex toy) to find what’s comfortable. When I first used it, it was so exciting — like we were rediscovering sex all over again together. Just be sure to use lube and a lot of it!Throughout my journey, I’ve become a huge advocate for sex toys. You can use them with a partner or by yourself to explore your body and find what really works for you.. The Namii is shaped to sit comfortably on the vulva, while the VIM has a long handle and a wide head for all-over coverage. While it’s fun to play with a partner, I think it’s just as important to get to know your own body firs
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