This RealWorld contestant opened up on the show about being raped as a teenager: “I was ashamed of it for a long time, but I’m not anymore. I just want to talk about it like I own it”
The Real World: Atlanta
Now 27, she’s only just beginning to grapple with the assault, and understand how severely it’s demoralized her. “After experiencing sexual assault, survivors — including those whose first experience with sex is violence — can have a variety of reactions relating to sex and relationships, such as being hypersexual or closing themselves off to that part of life entirely,” Sorenson said.
Can you tell us a little bit more about the circumstances surrounding your assault, or what role your attacker played in your life at the time? It’s hard to remember, but he was the one who really told me it was rape. I don’t know if it was that I didn’t want to believe it or I was confused, but yeah, I hadn’t really processed it.Well we had been in California, but fast-forward to college now in a different state, and this was the worst. I saw him on the street and I realized now we’re both in the same town and he goes to the same college. By total fluke. I didn’t say anything, he didn’t say anything.
I knew people might call me a whore or a slut when I explained the aftermath — when I had become very promiscuous. But I didn’t see anybody on TV or in songs or in the paper — anyone to look up to that acted the way I did after rape. I wanted to show girls that you are not alone, and whatever actions you take after this happens to you is normal and it’s in your truth. That was my main goal.
As you see in the media, it’s always going to be his word against yours, especially in a situation like mine where there are no bruises, no trauma. You can do a rape kit but I don’t even know if we were old enough to gather evidence or completely understand it. And it’s very shameful, no 16-year-old wants to admit she didn’t lose her virginity the way you see in the movies.
You know with death, if you don’t feel incredibly sad all the time, or if you move on, people think you never actually cared? And you feel guilty? For part of me, I think I was holding onto it for so long, because I felt like if I let go of it, that means it didn’t happen, that means it hasn’t affected me, that means I’m just a slut, that I’m a psychopath, that I have no emotions. But I’ve finally learned that it can be a part of my story without having to affect me anymore.
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