Adoption is not an easy way to become a mom.
First, we had to choose an adoption agency. You can’t do a quick Google search and randomly pick one. Every agency has different stipulations, costs, and availability. Some have long waitlists.
The next step was to complete a homestudy. It involved state and federal background checks, physical health exams, an extensive second application, six character references, a home fire safety plan, a contract, and fingerprinting. We also had to visit with a social worker three times for individual and couple interviews and have our home inspected.
Then there is the cost. While adopting from foster care is generally free, adopting an embryo or adopting internationally or domestically is very expensive. Many hopeful parents have to fundraise, take out loans, and apply for grants in order to have the chance to adopt. The cost of a domestic or international adoption ranges from $10,000 to more than $60,000.We had to select a lawyer, obtain copies of our marriage and birth certificates, and sign multiple pledges.
We had our adoption profile shown about fifteen times during our first adoption wait. Every time the social worker called to tell us the expectant parents hadn’t chosen us, either because they chose a different couple or decided not to move forward with adoption, our hearts broke. We wanted to be parents—desperately.
Twice we had an appointment to meet an expectant mom who was interested in us. The day we were supposed to leave to meet a mom due with a baby boy, she went into labor, had the baby prematurely, and decided to parent him. The other time, the expectant mom was only five months pregnant, and we could sense her hesitancy in moving forward.
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