Philadelphia Residents Avoiding Tap Water After Catching Horrifying Glimpse Of Hairless, Wheezing Gritty

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Philadelphia Residents Avoiding Tap Water After Catching Horrifying Glimpse Of Hairless, Wheezing Gritty
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PHILADELPHIA—Just days after it was revealed that 8,100 gallons of acrylic polymer solution had leaked into a tributary of the Delaware River, Philadelphia residents reportedly stopped drinking tap water Wednesday upon catching a horrifying glimpse of a hairless, wheezing Gritty. “Jesus Christ, I knew the chemical…

PHILADELPHIA—Just days after it was revealed that 8,100 gallons of acrylic polymer solution had leaked into a tributary of the Delaware River, Philadelphia residents reportedly stopped drinking tap water Wednesday upon catching a horrifying glimpse of a hairless, wheezing Gritty.

“Jesus Christ, I knew the chemical spill was bad, but seeing Gritty with huge chunks of orange hair falling out, covered in boils, and screaming in pain really made the whole thing hit home,” said 35-year-old resident Jay Walsh, adding that there was no way he would touch the city’s tap water after seeing the Philadelphia Flyers’ mascot crawl on the ground, vomit bile, and repeatedly beg for death during a hockey game.

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