Carolyn Hax: Mom fears she’ll regret keeping son from her abusive father
Growing up involved physical and verbal abuse from him. I got screamed at for the most minor things: answering the phone “too loudly,” or having an inflection in my tone that he didn’t approve of, etc. I once got smacked across the face for putting up holiday decorations because my father thought I left my toys out, and another time for forgetting to turn off a light. I left home as soon as I was able.
I'm now in my mid-40s, and being free from my father has been the best decision I've ever made. However, I also have an 8-year-old who has only seen his maternal grandfather once, from afar, and has never spent any time with him. No holidays, no birthdays, nothing.While I’m sure I made the right decision for myself to have nothing to do with my father … how do I determine if I am making the right decision for my son? Both sets of his grandparents are still alive.
Yes, sometimes parents behave horrifically under the pressures of raising young children — not to excuse it, just to explain — and then mellow into decent, if not great, grandparents. But you're describing someone who started out awful and stayed that way.
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