When you’re married, have kids, and live together, you pitch in as needed instead of ‘keeping score.’ You’re a team. You’re on the same side. Or, well, you’re supposed to be.
Couples are supposed to be a team. However, when someone starts turning the relationship into something transactional, it’s bound to lead to resentmentAn anonymous mom was flabbergasted when her husband said she “owes him” for contributing less to the family budget while she was on maternity leavethat even in equal relationships where both partners earn similar amounts of money at work, women are still left doing more at home.
Aside from having a few heart-to-heart conversations about how this sort of cold calculating mentality negatively affects you, you may also want to consider going to couples counseling. A good therapist with a background in married couple dynamics can, hopefully, reframe the entire situation in a way that empowers you.
Your relationship with your career is going to change when you have kids. That’s a fact. Perfect equality is very rare, but what you can have is equity. One partner might take on slightly more chores if they’re a full-time parent or work remotely . The other person might then focus on bringing in more money, but they’ll also pitch in at home as needed.
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