This piece offers a personal guide on how to cope with the first Christmas after losing a loved one, emphasizing the delicate balance between grief and celebrating the holidays with young children.
First Person is a daily personal piece submitted by readers. Have a story to tell? See our guidelines at tgam.ca/essayguide. The first Christmas without a loved one feels like stepping into a strange, hollow version of what the holidays once were. The absence of my mom transformed the familiar season of joy into a season of aching. At the same time, motherhood with young children creates a peculiar kind of present-tense nostalgia, where you long for the moment even as it is happening.
Balancing my children’s wonder with my grief is a delicate dance. Sometimes I want to savour every minute. Somedays I just wish it was over. This is a guide for navigating both loss and life during the holidays – my guide for mourning my mother, one year at a time. The first year without her In the first year, host as much as you possibly can. It helps pass the days. Invite friends for brunch, then more friends for dinner – even on a Monday. After they leave, take it all out on the kitchen with a scrubbing sponge and some bleach, then do it again the next day. Don’t dare look at her recipes. On Christmas Eve, make tacos or something that she never served, but pull yourself together for a post-dinner snowy sled ride around the block to give your kids some semblance that you’re actually here and actively participating in the festivities. Put them to bed, kiss their little faces for an achingly long time then make cinnamon rolls to rise overnight before collapsing into a puddle of despair. Year Two In the second year, rifle through her butter-stained index cards in the recipe box at the back of the cupboard. Take a moment to thank yourself that you held onto these. Decide to tackle a few of the greatest hits: cheese ball and almond sugar cookies. Don’t get out her cookie cutters yet. Maybe another year. Decorate the Christmas tree with the kids in the only manner that you were raised to be acceptable: to her favourite Fleetwood Mac albu
Christmas Grief Holiday Traditions Motherhood Loss Remembrance
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