HOUSTON—After an exhaustive 18-month evaluation process in which an applicant pool of hundreds was narrowed down to the two very buffest candidates, NASA announced Friday that it had chosen a pair of hot, ripped astronauts to take part in the first-ever man-on-man mission to Mars.
Shirtless and oiled-up for their appearance before the press, former Air Force captain Stephen Dunhill and Malibu, CA lifeguard Blake Brawner were introduced by officials who said the two tanned studs had completed an Astronaut Corps training program that pushed them to their mental, physical, and carnal limits. NASA confirmed that the two mouthwatering male specimens possessed both the courage and the raw, insatiable lust needed to complete the landmark mission.
According to sources, the prospective astronauts underwent grueling tests in which they were observed as they piloted the model spacecraft, maneuvered through the cramped cabin to check instrument panels while executing seamless reach-arounds, responded to simulated emergency scenarios, and negotiated the delicate entry into Mars’ atmosphere while having their testicles played with.
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